In for a surprise!!!

So I just turned 37 and had this whole revelation about my age and where I am in my life and then everything changed. As a slightly late birthday present, the Lord has surprised us with another baby. Yep, I am pregnant!!!! I am totally numb and dazed by the whole thing.

If you are someone that I would normally give this news to in person, please don't be offended. I am totally overwhelmed by it all and I am not able to call and talk to people as I may have in the past. Plus we have yet to tell the kids and they are always with me and always have their ears on.

This blog is mostly read by my family and a handful of friends so I don't feel like I am broadcasting some private information to the world. It is just rocking my world and since this is where I tell my loved ones what is going on, I thought this would be where I would ramble about it all.

This is my eight pregnancy, yes eight! It has been a rocky road in the past. 3 kids with us, 4 with Jesus and one in the oven. We had our last, Issie about 15 months ago and we felt our family was complete. A weird feeling after being in the horrible zone of wanting to get pregnant for years. But we felt complete. We were not ready to make any permanent decisions to not have more but Brad and I both felt very passionately that we would never "try" to get pregnant again. (It is Satan's way to destroy a marriage.)

I was excited to be in this next stage, kids growing and doing new things. I have been giving away all our baby stuff, all my maternity stuff, grateful not to have to store it all, hopeful to get my body back into some kind of shape. We were at the stage where we could leave Issie overnight and go away for the weekend. It was a new season and surprisingly I was ready for it.

Well apparently January is my one furtile month of the year. This seems to be when over half of my babies were conceived. We were preventing and I was on my way to get an IUD placed next week. But God had a different plan. His plan is always way better than mine.

So I am processing. I am realizing that in the past my reactions to being pregnant were not healthy. I was either consumed by fear, obsessively not allowing myself to trust anything in fear of losing the baby, or I was completely obsessed with the pregnancy putting the baby on the throne and completely missing everything else that was going on in our life. I refuse to be in either of those places again.

I am not fearful. I am not obsessed. I don't feel pregnant. I am just doing what I need to do and loving my family as we go. Because of my history, I have already visited the doctor and done my lab work. Amazingly everything is completely normal. I have needed to be on progesterone with each of my pregnancies but this time my numbers are very high. All my blood work is great. Praise God. The nurse today just told me to hang in there and wait to start feeling sick. Maybe, I won't be sick either, now that would be great.

We plan to tell the kids this weekend. I know that will make things more real. I am 37 and pregnant. Boy does that feel weird. I will keep you all posted. Our next appt is on Feb 11th for an ultrasound. Please pray that all is well.