If you did not know how old you were, how old would you be?

This is one of the things my dad always says. I think it is his way of saying "live life the the fullest". He is known for doing that. At times this has led to some unhealthy neglect of himself and the relationships in his life but no one would ever say he did not enjoy life. It is a joke in my family that taking a trip to my dad's is like being thrown into the movie "weekend at Bernie's". It is always something fun... he hunts gators, and goes to the Keys for lobster season. He lives in Florida by the way. He spends weeks away with his buddies in Alabama and Georgia during hunting season. He spends his weekends and some weekdays out in the Gulf on his boat just fishing and soaking up the sun. He throws huge Craw fish Boil Parties and always invites the whole neighborhood.

Here is my dad.... He has always been a ball of sunshine, his mom nicknamed him Sunshine or "Sunny" when he was a baby and that is who he has always been. I love you Dad.

Today is my birthday. I am 37 and I have had a rough last few weeks with lots of illness in my family so I have been feeling a bit more like 37 than I would like. Today, as I was driving the girls to the doctor, I was thinking about my age and then I started thinking about this saying my dad always says.

"If you did not know how old you were, how old would you be?"

It led me to think a lot about my dad, thus all my thoughts above.

If I subtract the past few sleepless nights, I would say I feel 27 or 28. Thankfully a bit wiser than I was at 27 or 28 but not feeling too much older than that. I look at my almost 10 year old though and freak out that I am old enough to be his mom. Then last night I was in bed thinking that when my mom was 37, I was 15! And I am 37 with a 15 month old baby! It is mind blowing how time passes faster than you think, how what you thought was young changes and what you thought was old changes. I think I have always had a good sense that old is not old until you are nearing 90, probably from my work with older people. It gives you perspective about what old really is. I am not saying I feel old or that I think 37 is old, I just thought when I was 37 it would be different, I have no idea in what way.

All this to say, I am grateful to feel so young and see life as full and to live in the moment. I am like and unlike my dad. In many ways I wish I could just enjoy life the way he does. Let go of the things I feel I "should" do and be and just be. Already this year I have had many lessons to really focus on "living in the moment". I tend to look too far ahead or fill myself with needless regrets. When I am home, I want to cherish being at home, when I am at work I want to be there and not regret not being home. We are blessed.

My friend Michelle, did some family pictures for us in the fall. They are all over this blog and I made a book of many of them for Brad at Christmas. I have some old pictures that I can look back at and see so much pain or sadness or just plain distance. Times in my life where I was not where the Lord wanted me, where He hoped for me to be. But I love looking at these pictures from this fall. I see so much joy, love, peace and contentment. This is where I am and where I long to be. Thanks Michelle for capturing these precious moments.

To live in the moment.. to be here now.. to cherish everything because everything changes.. to love deeply.. to laugh freely.. to give generously.. to be grateful. This is my birthday wish.