Jack's Field Day

It is kinda sad to admit that I have not volunteered at Jack's school for nearly 2 years! I had no idea it had been that long until I signed up for Field Day and my security clearance had expired. Both his dad and Brad have gone on field trips but I have been either pregnant, with a newborn, pregnant again or working. Time just flies by and you don't realize how much they still want you there. So on Jack's last day of school, Field Day, I went and spent the day with him.

It was so fun to watch him with his friends and in his little world. He must have told me 10 times how thankful he was that I was there. It was really a great day. His school is wonderful, set in the country with a huge play field and big trees everywhere. Jack is the kid that knows everyone, every ones name and what class they are in. He is Mr. Social. I am not sure where he gets that from but it is fun to watch. And he runs everywhere, non stop running from place to place. His best friend right now is Michael, who does not run and has a hard time keeping up. Jack is not little for his grade, maybe one of the taller kids but his friend Michael is about a foot taller than him. They were partners so they went everywhere together that day.

There is a group of girls, I will not mention names, that Jack hangs out with too. There is one particular crush but a lot of the rest is typical 10 year old girl talk. These girls all came up to me saying you must be Jack's mom and giggling. It is a bit too much for me to wrap my head around at 10 but it is what it is.

Next year he will be the "king of the hill" in fifth grade. He is really looking forward to that. I keep telling him to enjoy it as much as he can since middle school is right around the corner, ugh! I am totally not ready for that.

Jack and Michael

Hanging out with mom at the Soccer Ball Partner Race.
Jack and Michael on the soccer ball partner race.

Some of the 4th grade gang.
Getting ready for tug of war.
Jack's class one some and lost some. It was so fun to be there and be a part of what is important to him. I am constantly aware of how important it is for me to be interested in what is important to him. He lights up when he talks about things that seem like nothing to me, until I see how much they mean to him. You could really miss something special if you don't really work on paying attention and listening. I remember one of the women in my church a few years ago giving our MOMS group this advice.... "listen to them when they talk about the stuff you don't really care about and later they will talk to you about the things that really matter". I hope that I can really listen to him now, I really want to be a part of his world. It takes constant effort and forethought but it is worth it to see a little bit of who God made him to be. Thank you Lord for the boy you have blessed us with, he keeps us laughing and thinking. Love you, Jack.

Preschool Graduation for Kadie!

Kadie had a great year at Preschool and we were so blessed by her awesome teachers and great friends. During the last week of preschool, a bunch of the families went to the zoo together. It was a cool and wet morning but it was a great day at the zoo. All the animals were out and really close up. It was amazing. The kids were so excited, running from place to place. It was just a great day.

Jack and Kadie
One of Kadie's favorite's on this day, the alligator! If she only knew the size of the huge gators that her Popop catches in the river by his house she would be shocked. But we will leave those pictures for another time. Her other favorite was the naked mole rats because they were "so cute!" Pretty funny since she got to see a giraffe face to face and watched the black bear pace right in front of her and stared at the sea lions for nearly an hour. But naked mole rats were her favorite. Pretty funny that Kadie Girl.

Family love, the kids really had a great day together. We even rode the train.

Issie on the train, having fun. She was pretty happy in her stroller most of the time and was passed out by the time we left. Not really sure if she noticed the animals at all.

The wolf is new to the zoo and came right up to the fence while we were there. Pretty cool.

Mommy's favorite, the hippos. Kadie says I only like them because they are "boring" and I love boring stuff (like reading, talking to my friends, sleeping, cooking). She likes to tell me this a lot, how boring I am. But we all know that I love hippos because they can sleep underwater and just float up to take a breath. I think that is so cool.

The self portrait, I remember doing this all the time in college, there is a reason we don't take pictures like this anymore. But it sure shows how tired we were by the end of the day. We went home and all took long hard naps.

Then on the last day of school, the school had a picnic and a little performance where all the kids sang songs from the year and Mrs. Kim gave them all these beautiful scrapbooks of the year. I cried of course. Kadie is so full of joy at this little school and they taught so boldly the truth of God. She will be heading to public school for Kindergarten and even though we love the school it is hard to see her not have the saturation of God and Jesus in everything that is taught. Plus Mrs. Kim is like family. We cannot wait for Issie to be able to be there too.

Our Kadie Girl, you are growing up so fast. We love you.

Busy Days

We have been a bit nuts around our household with the last week of school for Jack, the end of preschool for Kadie, a jewelry show for mom and Jack getting ready to leave with his day for 8 days to Michigan. I have many things to share, pictures from the Zoo, Kadie's school and more. Hopefully after this busy weekend I will get you all up to date.

3 steps forward...one step back.

In many ways we are moving forward. Our family has been busy, it is always that way at this time of year. End of the year parties and field trips. Soccer and getting ready for swimming lessons. Planning camping trips and BBQ's.

I feel like we are moving forward but every now and then I take a step back. I went to a baby shower 2 weeks ago. I really did not think I would have any issues but I did. Clearly some denial. First off the girl was someone from a past bible study and I had not seen her for a while. She had her little boy the same week we lost Caleb and she did not know I lost the baby. I knew when I saw her she did not know because she looked at my stomach. At some point in the shower someone told her, but it was sad. I was happy for her, her little boy was so sweet. I held him and just stared at him. I did not feel sad. But there was a time in the shower where the new mom read blessings that people wrote to the baby and it just broke my heart. I did not cry but if I could have slipped out a back door I would have. They all prayed over the baby and again it was so sad to me. I don't want to make it all about me but I know people could tell it was hard for me and nobody knows what to do or what to say.

I hear these prayers about how this baby was a gift from God and how he was created for something special. I feel the same way about Caleb. He was a gift from God but who is going to know that, other than me. He was created for something special too, his time was short and we did not get to hold him but he was created by God. Life does not just happen, life is created. Caleb had a purpose in this world. And he surely has a purpose in eternity. For one thing he made me realize how much I have come to trust God. His time with me reminded me how this life is not just what I think it is going to be but so much more than we can imagine. I am sad that other people may not be touched by the life of my boy who went to heaven so quickly.

I was listening to this interview on bible talk radio (I listen to it when I drive for work) today and this man said something that I knew but in a way that felt new to me. They were talking about that question "why do bad things happen?" "why do some babies die and others live?". As much as I try not to go there, it is hard not to wonder these things at times. The man said that nothing happens in this world without God's knowledge and permission. When you are a baby/child or a Christian and He decides you have fulfilled your purpose, He brings you home. Those who remain still have work to be done for the Kingdom of God. As short as many of my babies times were in this world, they each had a purpose, they did not happen by accident and they did not die by some "plan of mother nature" as the doctors seem to say. There was a reason. Sometimes we see the purpose for their life on this side of heaven and sometimes we don't. But it changes my perspective to think about the purpose of their life, their creation instead of the purpose of their death. Their death was to bring them home to heaven.

Most days I feel happy and content in where the Lord has me and our family but I still have those moments of grief, where I miss the thought of having those babies in my arms.

I also listen to this other show with Pastor Paul ( I cannot remember his last name but he is from a church in California). I love this man, he totally cracks me up and convicts me at the same time. Today he was talking about adversity in our lives and how we never can see the purpose in it at the time but later we often can realize we would have never arrived where we are if some of those trials and tragedies did not happen. He talked about Moses and how he was sent down the river away from his mother, but later nursed by his mother and raised in the Pharoh's home, he needed to be there to be where God was going to use him. And if Joseph's brothers never hated him and sold him into slavery, he would have not ended up in Egypt and rescued the Jews from the famine. I came to Christ because of total brokeness after my first husband left me for another woman. I recieved deep healing after losing my fourth baby and sinking into a deep pit of bitterness. I have seen the blessings in my life, the times when due to my pride and false attempt at control only deep tragedy would bring me to my knees. These are some of the things that I needed in my life to help me understand God's love and mercy and grace. I would not trade that for anything.

I just commited to train for a half marathon with 4 of my closest girlfriends in October. I am excited and motivated to do something for myself that my body and my spirit could really use. I have started walking and running a little after 5 years of no running, ugh. It is good time with God, good time alone with my thoughts.

God is good, even when we can only see the yucky things, God is good.

Great Friends!

Last Saturday night we went to an amazing event for some dear friends that are adopting a baby from Ethiopia. A bunch of people put together this beautiful surprise auction where they raised over $11, 000! to help them fund the rest of the process. It was planned for months and it was a great opportunity for us all to get out without the kids and have fun.

A group of our closest friends all met before the auction for dinner and drinks and it was so fun. I forgot my camera but everyone else brought theirs and shared these pictures with me. When I got them, I realized not only the fun we had but how blessed I am to have these people in my life. I have been blessed with many great friends throughout my life and these people are some of the best friends you could ever hope for.
Left to right, Melody ("Mel"), Michelle, Me, Marnee, and Kristi. Melody and I have known each other since my wedding, her hubby was Brad's best man but really we became friends about 5 years ago. We have been through lots of sadness with babies together but also tons and tons of joy and laughter too. She is super creative, really fun, loves to know about everything that is going on and supportive in everything and a total blessing to me. Michelle and I were in a small group together, then led MOMS together, even lived together when we were building our house. She is a wealth of information on everything, a great listener, loves to have fun, is carefree and the keeper of all things I need. Marnee was my neighbor and in small group with us too. She has been my counselor, my running partner, my labor coach, and my loyal friend. She is always real, gives the best hugs, makes you want to tell her your life story when you first meet her, and is absolutely always available when you need her. Kristi was the first person I met when I came to Vancouver, before Brad even proposed. She is the life of the party, always with a big smile and a ton of energy. She is supportive and loyal and always ready to pray with me, nothing is the same when Kristi is not there.

We were all in a small group/bible study together for about 2-3 years and at the time all but Mel lived within a few blocks of each other. We dropped by on walks, shared left overs, had last minute dinners together, ran to the store for each other, watched each others kids, and so much more. Even though we all moved and things changed our friendships have never faltered. I love you all so much, you are always there for me, in the good times and the not so good times. Thank you.

Here we are with our hubbies, which are all great too. I love these guys and I know I could call any one of them at any time for anything and they would be there for us. Notice my husband is the only one that thinks it is funny to pretend to poor his beer on my head, always the funny guy. I guess that is why I love him so much.

The men, left to right... Nick, Nello, Chad, Brad, and Dave.

Me and my love at the auction.

Isabella at 18 Months

I have been promising pictures of Issie to my mom, and trying to video her so she could hear her sweet little voice and all the new words she is saying. The video has been harder that I thought. I do have 2 video's at the end of this post trying to capture her little personality. I really wish our families could see the kids more often. They just grow and change so fast and I hate that they miss it but technology is the next best thing so here you go mom.

Isabella is very independent but also very lovable. She is quiet most of the time, until she is not then she can throw her voice through the entire grocery store. She is unintentionally spoiled by Jack and Kadie, as they just want her to be happy so they give her what ever she wants, which leads to her expecting to always get what ever she wants, even when no one has any idea what she wants. Thankfully she is learning some words, sadly, I am the only one how seems to know what these words mean, it is a vicious cycle. She is still in love with hats and is developing a new obsession for shoes, hers, ours, and dress up. You never want to accidentally walk by the shoe section in Walmart or Target, she seriously freaks out, throws her shoes on the ground and does some crazy moves to climb out of the cart to get to them. She now clearly says Mommy (still using all kinds of cute variations in her voice and singing it all over the house- mommy means, mommy but it also means, feed me, help me, pick me up, get that, not you, and happy) It is all in the interpretation. She also says baby, no, shoes, yes, bebe ( which means blankie and paci- the magic combination), love you/thank you- they sound the same, hello, hi, bye, and a bunch of other things we have yet to decipher.

off up the stairs to play by herself in the play kitchen
Jack took this one, when they were playing puzzles, her other obsession. She will play with her alphabet puzzle for an hour if someone will help her fit them in properly.

She loves her big sister and really loves Lucy. Both relationships are tenuous as Lucy can only handle so much of Issie (unless she as food of course) before she goes and hides in her kennel. And Issie loves Kadie on her terms, doing what she wants and Kadie likes to smother Issie with "the love" until Issie totally freaks out. It certainly keeps me on my toes.

Issie knows we think she is funny and cute so she often uses the dinner table to entertain us all with silly faces, noises and games with her food and clothes. We all feed into it by laughing hysterically.

Playing mommy.

Enjoying the sunshine.

Loving her big brother. She loves him to hold her and snuggle and he is usually happy to do this.

Here are my attempts to catch a little glimpse of Issie in action. The first one is her playing mommy, you can hear her voice and it is funny because you can see her right before a full blown meltdown when she cannot get the stroller up the stairs. The second one is her walking in dress up heels, she is so cute. We love you Issie.

Jack Turns TEN!!!!!

I am a few days late posting this but Jack turned 10 last Thursday, May 28th. Our big celebration was at Great Wolf but we still celebrated his special day. When Brad's family and little brothers lived with us, I started a tradition of making whatever the birthday person wanted for their birthday meal. Most of you know that I love to cook and this seemed like a great gift, especially to teenage boys. Well, my kids are now loving this tradition as well and my son has developed some refined taste. Jack choose Sun dried Tomato Pesto with Chicken, Pine nuts and Rigatoni and Super Chocolate Chocolate Cake. He loved it. We also got him the Beatles #1 Cd, which has all 27 of the Beatles #1 hits. We all danced around the house and had a wonderful night.

Kadie got Jack a bunch of beach balls. We let our kids play ball in the house and we have gone through several beach balls when they hit the fire place and pop. So this was the perfect present. Seriously this is the kids favorite thing to play, they have several ball games where they hit each other or their ball or play catch or dodge or freeze tag, it really keeps them occupied constantly and has done very little damage to our house. It was the perfect gift.

Here is Issie's hilarious reaction to the cake, more more more! She is a nut.

Jack, We can hardly believe you are already 10 years old, although at times you act much older. You are the sweetest boy and such an incredible big brother. You are patient, loving and creative in your play with Kadie and Issie and they LOVE you so much. It is fun to watch you grow and see what you love. The music and singing is by far your greatest love right now, you are constantly in song and I love that you love Big Daddy Weave and Brandon Heath and Sanctus Real but also love Journey, the Beatles, U2 and Tom Petty. It is fun to watch you perform for us in front of the camp fire. We are also really enjoying watching you grow in your love for soccer, you are really getting good and I love going to your games, even if I spend most of the time wrestling Issie. You have a good heart and a love for God and thirst for the truth and justice. You have compassion and insight into others that is far beyond your years and clearly a gift from God. I feel you slowly pulling away from your childhood, less likely to let me kiss you, wanting to be on your own, grown up and all that. I know this is the beginning of us letting you go, little by little and it is super exciting and super sad at the same time. I am praying for you all the time. Believing in your future and trusting that God will carry you when I am not with you. I pray you never forget that He created you and has an amazing purpose for your life, you will never be alone, He will always be with you. We love you so much. Happy Birthday, Love Mom and Brad.