Blessings in the midst of pain.

Thank you all for your words of support and encouragement, it means more than you know. I feel completely showered with love and I am so very grateful.

I feel content, which may sound weird but I do and I am grateful. I have realized over time and suffering that my contentment and comfort grows when I am focusing on and recognizing the blessings we have. It never eliminates the pain and grief of a loss but for me it certainly allows me to feel it without dwelling there. To take captive every thought. To focus on what is good and what is true.

Today we were blessed with a very loving staff at the hospital and a completely uncomplicated procedure. We were blessed with friends that came to our house at 5 am to take care of your kids and get them to school. We were blessed with a meal we did not have to cook. We were blessed with many many many words of encouragement and prayers.

I feel blessed that God protected me from having to deliver the baby. I am grateful that we have no doubt that our baby is with Jesus and is perfect and complete and in paradise. I am grateful that my children have very little grief and sadness. I am grateful for my husband that knows just what to do and when he doesn't he admits it.

But above and beyond all of it, I am so grateful for a God who loves me and cares about every detail. I am grateful for the healing He has guided me in. I am so very grateful for the peace that he has totally wrapped me in. I have had moments of pure joy with my husband and my children and those who are like family in the past few days and that can only be a gift from God.

I was talking to Jack before bed last night, I asked him if he was okay and that I was worried about how hard and sad it may be for him. He said something wiser than his years. He said, "I am doing ok because you are doing ok". "I was very sad at first but I think I thought you would be lying in bed crying, sad, and grumpy, but you are not. So I know everything is going to be ok." WOW. It was another great opportunity to tell him why I was ok and to give God all the glory. He said, "Ya, I figured it was God, God is good ya know." Too funny. It made me realize how much my kiddos look to me to see God. I am sure that I do not always present the best representation of God but this week He has been revealed through me, at least to Jack and for that I am so very thankful.

I am also very grateful and blessed by my children here with me. Kadie has been oblivious but sweet and loving. Jack has been compassionate and strong. And Issie has been super snugly and oh so sweet. God is very good.

I love you all, thank you for walking along side me in the good times and the hard times. I am blessed by each of you.