The gift of snow.

At small group last Sunday, I was confessing how I have been feeling ashamed of how difficult it has been to wrap my brain around being pregnant again. I love that the Lord is giving us another baby, but the process of realizing it has been more difficult this time around.

A guy in our group gave me this analogy and I have been thinking about it ever since. I thought it would be good to share, especially for those who maybe cannot understand the process I am in. Here goes...

The guy said it would be like this. He told his wife in Febuary that he wished that there would be one more big snow storm before spring. Then weeks passed, months passed. It got sunny and warm. They put the snow stuff away, packed up the sweaters and got out the shorts. They were enjoying planting for the spring and playing in the sunshine. Then one April morning they woke up to 8 inches of snow.

I love snow. I feel like I was really enjoying the sunshine, and now I am back tracking and adjusting to the beautiful snow.

The snow is a blessing, thank you Lord.

Heartbeat!

We had the first ultrasound today. It was a bit nerve racking. It took quite some time to see anything. I had to leave to empty my bladder more than once and still it was seriously like looking for a needle in a haystack. I had quite some time to come to terms with how I really feel. I would be sad if we lost the baby. I guess I am getting attached to this little life sucking machine.

Finally, there it was. This tiny microscopic flicker. That is it. Our baby, a tiny almost impossible to see flicker. Apparently the baby is smaller than we thought, therefore I am only 6 weeks and 4 days. Clearly, I do not know when I ovulate or we would not be in this predicament.

When you look like I do at 6 weeks, you go in hoping you are further along or possibly thinking there could be twins in there (we do have a family history ya know). But no, I am actually not as far along as I thought. There is very little reason for my belly to look like I am 5 months pregnant. Clearly, my body is just assuming the position, getting ready and make a lot of room.

Anyway, we are very grateful for that little flicker. Praise God for the absolute miracle of life. Thank you for your prayers, we will continue to keep you posted.

Think Spring

We had a beautiful day on Saturday, nearly 60 and sunny. Brad was so excited that it might be spring that he set out with the girls to clean out the garage. He figured it would be a good idea to put the snow shovels and the sleds in storage. Of course it snowed last night and is still snowing now but we are still thinking spring.

The girls were having such a fun time playing outside that I took some pictures. They crack me up.
For some reason this is what Kadie thought would be the perfect outfit to clean out the garage with Daddy in. With the hiking stick, it makes me just laugh. I just think she is so funny.

Kadie was loving her little bike but we had to watch her closely or she would be blazing down the driveway, fearless and out of control.

With daddy, going for a ride.

A close up of Kadie in her shades, looking so serious.

Daddy and Issie, in her new hat from Grandma.

We will continue to think spring as we get the snow shovels and chains back out from under the house.

Praying for a better attitude.

I realize much of my past several years was spent wanting to be pregnant, wanting a bunch of kids. Pregnancy is hard but it is worth it. I would have a hard time when women complained about it. Not the legitimate complaints but the random ones (hard to explain). I had the attitude that I would be grateful if I could get pregnant.

Now I realize a lot of these feelings came from a pretty unhealthy place in me, I do not ever intend to be judgemental, but some things were just hard to handle.

Well, here I am, hearing myself, realizing that I am that whining, ungrateful, selfish pregnant woman. I am not totally condemning myself, as I know to some degree this is adjusting and processing and totally changing my mindset. But I feel bad that I don't have a great attitude right now.

I am excited about what God has in store. I know it will be what is right, what is good.

I wonder at times about the fact that I can barely manage with the kiddo's I have, how am I going to add another? Everytime that I miss it with the kids, I ask God "really, do you think I can do this?".

I was a little sick this morning. Not terrible at all, just icky. And tired. I had a rotten attitude about it. I am always real, not a lot of hiding what I am feeling here. But I long for a different attitude.

I don't know what will help. It is not awful, I just don't like feeling this way. The Lord has blessed me with another baby, He has provided a stable job for Brad and health insurance, He has kept my hormone levels high, He keeps me healthy, I have a lot to be grateful for.

I pray for a better attitude.

Issie's Piggies

Issie has always had nice thick hair. Fortunately she didn't really go through the bald old man look that her sister did. But Brad refuses to have the girls have their hair in their eyes. I fought hard to have no bangs with Kadie, and lost. He cannot figure out how to do their hair so if I am not constantly putting it in a clip or pony he wants to cut it. So we cut Kadie's bangs and it wasn't so bad. I did not fight it with Issie. However, Brad did the cutting this last time and sometimes I think she looks like a little elf and sometimes I think she looks like a little dutch boy. So I thought I would try some pigtails.

It is pretty hilarious really. They start out as little horn like curls but as the day goes, and she naps, plays with hats and what not, her hair turns into these little spikes. She loves them, she looks in the mirror and laughs at herself and pulls on them. It is so funny.

Here is a side shot, I try to get them pointing to the back at least so she doesn't look like she has spikes sticking out to the sides of her head.

My sweet girl. She definitely does not look like a little dutch boy with the piggies.

Exhausted, already???

I seriously think it must be the power of suggestion, there is no way I could be this tired, this soon. I worked today and came home to lay down for "20 minutes", and an hour and a half later Brad came and woke me up for dinner. I know I get tired, that is my main pregnancy symptom, but really.....this soon. I just found out last week and already I am sleeping the afternoons away. Maybe I was just really tired before but was fighting it and now I feel justified to sleep. Who knows.

Kadie told her preschool class today that she was going to get a new baby brother when she went to Kindergarten. Pretty cute.

The more people that know, the more real it all is. I have not wanted to call people, so this blog helps me get my thoughts out without the exhaustion of talking to so many people. Sorry if that sounds heartless but it is exhausting to me a times. Anyway, thank you for your prayers. I am grateful that my ultrasound is next week, not too long to wait.