Lucy's puppy.

Lucy had her puppies early! I put her to bed in her kennel on Saturday night around 11:30 and she seemed fine. Then I went running early before church with Marnee and went to get her out of her kennel when I got home around 8:30am and she wouldn't come out. I did not think anything about it at first since she was not due for a week and that is a long time in a 63 day long pregnancy. I went and took my shower and she still had not come out. She moves slow these days but I went to check on her and she was lying there peacefully. Then I saw it. In the back corner of her kennel was what looked like a puppy. I doubted myself at first as I have been fooled before by little toys that Kadie and Issie put in with Lucy to keep her company. I ran and got the flashlight. By the way, I was home alone with Issie, Brad had taken the kids to church but I was planning on staying home to get the car packed for our weekend at Great Wolf Waterpark. I ran back and yes there was a puppy, but it was in the back corner, away from Lu and not moving. I started to panic, texted Brad to come home. I was not sure if she was still in labor or how long the puppy had been there. I was scared to touch it, not wanting to touch it if it would freak Lucy out and not really wanting to touch a dead puppy. But I took a towel and moved the puppy toward Lucy. That is when I saw another puppy, already nursing and wiggling around. Lucy liked the puppy and tried to get him to respond but he did not. Brad got home and wrapped him up and tried to warm him up but it was just too late. I have no idea how long he had been there unattended, if he was born dead or just did not thrive. So we had to bury the little boy puppy. It was sad but we are so glad Lucy is ok and her other puppy looked great. It took some time to see if she was still in labor but I soon realized she looked way to calm to be still laboring. She was not panting and her tummy did not look to be having contractions. So it was just the two puppies in the little and only the one little girl survived the birth. Yes it is a little girl. We were supposed to be leaving for Great Wolf for an early celebration of Kadie's birthday so we were blessed to have a friend come up and stay at the house with Lucy and the baby. They seem to be doing well, I have not been able to get too many good pictures since I do not want to stress Lucy out, especially since she is a first time mommy. But here are some I took right when I found her.

Look close and you can see the little tail of the baby.
There she is just sucking away. She is cute but kinda looks like a little pig combined with a mouse. I am sure she will start to look different all of the time.

The hardest part, other than the baby that died, is that we were so hoping to have several puppies to give away. Lucy is so sweet and has been such a blessing to us and unfortunately she is a very expensive breed. We just wanted to bless some people with her puppies. It was hard to make so many disappointing phone calls. People understand and there was no guarantee but it was still sad. Lucy's puppy is promised to the daddy dog "Tucker"'s family. Since there was only one in the little Tucker's owners offered to not get him fixed so we could try again but that would be a year from now (since you skip a heat and they go into heat every 6 months) and I don't know if we want to do that to Lu. We will pray about it. She seems to be a good little mamma and had no difficulties with delivery which is what we were concerned about. Anyway, we will enjoy having a sweet little puppy in the house for 6 weeks or so. It is a great experience for the kids and they new from the beginning we would not be keeping a puppy so they are handling it ok so far. Jack was sad as he had hopes that his dad would get one then he would have a puppy at his dad's house but this is how life works and things like this are out of our control. I will post more pictures soon when I feel comfortable moving her from her mamma.

Missing Caleb.

It's late, and I can't sleep. Caleb's due date was this week. I was sad last week, realizing that if things were different I would be almost having a baby right now. But then his due date came and went and I almost did not even remember. In so many ways it seems like forever since I was pregnant. That so much has happened, our lives just changed course and it is hard to think of the course we were on. But I miss him. I have been thinking about what it would be like to have a baby (a newborn) right now. It would be overwhelming. But I miss him.

Sounds weird and sad but I have been praying that God would let me see him. Maybe even let me hold him, just once. I pray that He would let me see him in my dreams. Like that part in the book the Shack when Mack gets to see Missy through the waterfall, just to know she is ok. I have no doubt that he is ok, my desire is more for me. I just want to hold him just once and look in his face and tell him he was wanted.

I look back at the time I was pregnant, the 4 1/2 months, and how much of that time I focused on how miserable and unprepared for him that I was. I know it is normal but I regret that now. I never want him to think that he was not wanted. If I could just hold him once and tell him that. I know it is not likely and that is ok. Jesus can tell him for me.

Life just moves forward and I don't want to forget. I am not usually sad about it all anymore, but right now it feels sad. My heart aches. I feel content with the babies I have, but I did want Caleb.

I am living through Lucy now, yes our dog. She is pregnant and due next week. I lay on the couch and feel the puppies moving around in her little belly and try to count how many there are. I see how uncomfortable she is and how she really seems to have no clue what is going on and what she is really in for. God amazes me, in 63 days several little fully developed puppies are created, just 63 days!

My friend is having a baby in December. It is good for me to be with her. Surprisingly it does not make me sad. You see how precious life is, what a miracle it is. My Grannie Jane is sick with cancer and it is getting harder and harder for her. Life is precious, in the beginning, in the middle and near the end. I am grateful for eternity with no death, no pain, no tears. My heart is soft, not hard from pain and loss, but soft and tender for all that life has, the blessings and the challenges and I praise God for that. I see so many hard hearts, and I know that could have been me, if Jesus did not save me. I am so grateful for a heart that feels, even if it hurts.

Tonight I miss Caleb. I am comforted that he is safe in the arms of Jesus but tonight I still miss Caleb.

Pacific City

For Labor Day weekend we went to Pacific City with 2 other families to spend some time at the beach. The weather forecast was awful but God blessed us with some sunny moments, and my kids will play in the waves in the rain too. It was great.

The first day, we woke up to sun and we were so surprised that we raced to the beach thinking it might be our only sunny day. Kadie is a big beach lover so she lead the way.
Even the rainy days did not stop us from playing. Brad and Kadie's favorite thing is to chase the waves together.

The morning we left, it sprinkled and was windy, everyone is dressed in jackets except Kadie who was out there in the freezing water in her swim suit.

Trying to get the sand to go back in the ocean.

Chasing waves with Landon.

So fun. Only one time was she over taken by a wave, some of them were super big. But Daddy was there to scoop her up right away.

The first day we were at the beach, I thought I saw a black lab swimming in the surf but then I realized it was a seal. It played around in the surf for a while (I forgot my camera) then it walked up on shore for a nap and some suntanning. It was amazing. The kids were amazed. Jack said it was the coolest thing he has ever seen. It was right up there for me too.

The perfect pose from our pet seal, really amazing!

Pausing only for a moment to take a picture.

Jack loves tackling the waves too. He would play in the surf for hours, even though the water is freezing, they don't care.

Racing the waves with Ben.

Jack.

The wave won on this one, he was soaked but went right back for more.

Issie still is not a big sand lover and the wind did not help but she is getting better and we realized that wearing her shoes helped a lot.

Issie and Mama. I spent most of my time with Issie, since she did not want to go near the water (probably safer that way) and did not really want to be in the sand. But near the end of the trip she decided it was fun to be with daddy near the waves.

Issie finally discovered she liked feeling the water, she just wanted her hand to be in not her feet. So right before we left the beach she decided she likes it now.

Issie and Daddy.

It was fun. We love the beach and being near the ocean. We had fun with our friends and the kids loved sleeping in sleeping bags on the floor all together. Kadie kept everyone up to all hours of the night talking and laughing and then was the first to wake everyone up in the morning. She is the life of the party. Now summer is officially over and it is already feeling like fall.

First Day of School

Last Wednesday was the first day of school for Jack and Kadie. It was a great day for everyone. Brad went in late so he could make pancakes for the kids. Jack and Kadie were both super excited, which makes me nervous as with high excitement can come crashing down disappointment if the day does not live up to every ones expectations. But we were blessed and all was well. Kadie was especially excited to wear her new clothes since I have not let her wear anything new since we got them weeks ago, pretty mean, I know. Jack however choose to wear old shorts and a plain white t-shirt. I guess it is more cool to not look like you are wearing all new clothes.

Playing before school

Back packs on... waiting at the bus stop.

I did not cry when Kadie got on the bus, but looking at this picture of how sweet her brother was taking her to her seat, it makes me tear up now.

One last look for mom.

Well, one more last look for mom. :)

My big girl getting off the bus at noon after her first day. Kindergarten is only half days where we live so Kadie rides home with out Jack. But we were super blessed to realize there are 7 Kindergartners in our neighborhood this year and one new little girl ( all the rest are boys) "Abby" just moved into our neighborhood and Kadie made friends with her at school before she even knew we were neighbors. Apparently they caught a baby frog together. God is good.

As for me, it was a delightful day having the house to just me and Issie. It is amazing what you can do in a quiet house. I exercised, had some quiet time with God, cleaned things in the house that have not been cleaned for way too long. It was wonderful, peaceful. I read books to Issie and she ran around the house playing her favorite little game.... "Moooommmyy, where arrrre yoooouuuuu?" in her sweet little sing song voice. She is so funny.

Jack had a good day too, his highlight was they played football at recess and he had an interception. Simple things.

Back to School BBQ

Last night was the kids back to school BBQ. Kadie keeps asking why it is back to school if she has never been there before. So cute how her mind is always thinking. Kadie is going to kindergarten tomorrow and wants to ride bus so these pictures are my best shot of her first day of school. She was so excited to meet her teacher and take in all of her school supplies. She loves her Tinker Bell backpack. She seems so big and grown up but so small at the same time. She is more than ready and pretty frustrated that it is only for 1/2 days.

the back pack
Kadie and Mrs Pruitt her kindergarten teacher.

Her own desk, very exciting.

The monkey bars, possibly the most exciting part, besides the bus ride.

Our Kadie girl, what a sweet heart.

Jack is very excited too. He wanted nothing to do with pictures this year as he is a 5th Grader now and does not want to be embarrassed by all my emotions. Top dog, head of the school and so ready for it. Jack is always wanting to know what class everyone is in and all the details. He has his best friend in his class this year which is a blessing.

Back to school tomorrow, 8am, I am ready! Love you guys, I just know when it is time for school to start.

Cannon Beach

2 weekends ago we went with friends to the beach for the day. Summer seems to be flying by and we had yet to go to the beach so we packed up the girls and drove to Cannon Beach for the day. Jack had another soccer tournament that came up at the last minute so he choose to stay and play soccer so it was just Brad, Kadie, Issie and me. It was a windy but pretty day. The beach in the Pacific Northwest is never like the beach in Florida or North Carolina, you need a wet suit to tolerate the water and the wind is always unpredictable. I have only worn my swim suit to the beach one time and it was a mistake. But the views are breathtaking and being near the ocean and watching the kids (and Brad) play in the sand and the waves is so fun. It was wonderful.

Kadie and her friend Marcus, creating sand worlds together. Kadie was covered from head to toe in sand, she even had it all over her eyebrows and in her ears. She had a great time.
Me and the girls. This is where I spent most of my day,sitting on the towel beside Issie. She would not put her feet in the sand and absolutely not in the water. She freaked out any time the sand touched her legs and I would have to wipe them off. So she happily sat on the towel reaching over to play with the shovel and her little shark dump truck. She is a nut. She did not nap all day and was perfectly fine as long as the sand did not touch her legs or feet.

Issie 5 minutes after getting into the car at 5pm, passed out.

Kadie at the end of the day, sun tanned and happy. Well until we stopped at Pig and Pancake and she could not get a stuffed animal, and she totally freaked out and had to be dragged to the car throwing a fit. Sometimes, it is crystal clear when the day is over and it is time to go home.

Daddy and Kadie, running to the waves as soon as we got to the beach. Brad just loves to play in the waves and look for little creatures and shells, he could do it for hours.

The family, minus Jack, we missed the boy but had a great time.

Me and my honey. Love you babe.

Issie with her sand issues. She really wanted to play in the sand but could not get it on her, it kept me busy keeping her cleaned off every few minutes. I remember Kadie this way too, she will soon love it and roll around in it like Kadie does and we will have to hose her off before be leave but for now she is dry and clean at the beach. Funny girl.